Mistakes You Should Avoid When Arguing With Your Partner

Conflict is inevitable in any type of relationship, and even couples who get along better occasionally argue; At some point, they recognize that there is a problem that needs a solution and it must be found between the two. All this, in theory, sounds wonderful, but it takes more than goodwill for the solution to appear.

Some couples relationship experts such as John Gottman claim that there are signs that warn if your relationship is at a crucial moment that could define its direction, either to continue or to end definitively. When there are arguments, many times it falls into attitudes that instead of solving the conflict, aggravate it.

These are the mistakes you should avoid to have a good relationship.

Mistakes You Should Avoid When Arguing With Your Partner

1. Attacking the person and not the behavior.

When someone criticizes, they often do it in a way that implies that there is something wrong with the other, such as personality or character, and usually does so by generalizing: “you never…”, “you always…” or “you are the type of a person who…” and the only thing that this causes is that the person who feels attacked reacts defensively.

That is why it is important to focus specifically on behavior, without attacking the personality of your partner.

2. Showing contempt.

Sarcasm, arrogance in the answers, mockery or gesturing like grimacing or moving the eyes while the other speaks are signs of contempt, which seek nothing more than to hurt the other. It is necessary to work to eliminate these harmful behaviors and build again a base of respect, tolerance, and kindness in the relationship.

3. Being on the defensive.

And sometimes it happens without people noticing. This conduct is an attempt to defend against an attack with a complaint or by placing itself in the victim’s plan. It is to reject one’s own responsibility by not accepting mistakes, much less offering an apology or asking for forgiveness when necessary.

What you should do is try to put yourself in the place of your partner and see things from their perspective. Nobody is perfect. Speak with the truth and listen in a perceptive and open way.

4. Create a wall.

Punishing the couple with silence or leaving the room to avoid the conflict can sometimes be an attempt to remain calm when a feeling overwhelms, but the result is usually disastrous and leads to the cooling of the relationship.

The antidote is learning to identify the signs that you or your partner begin to feel emotionally overwhelmed and that agree to take a break and resume the conversation when both are calm. Only couples who know how to argue take advantage of the differences and achieve a happy, healthy and stable relationship.